I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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