Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize