why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
