Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
