Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
