Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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