So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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