I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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