laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
