Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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