I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
