can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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