never play flip cup with pint glasses
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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