Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
false alarm, still single
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
