you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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