He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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