No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
