Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
