Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
