Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize