she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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