Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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