Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
