so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
