I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
