Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize