its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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