I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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