You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
