Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
