I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
In America we eat man semen.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
