my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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