I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
