Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let's get the cat blown out
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
