I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize