the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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