Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
