he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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