all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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