I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
