they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
