Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
