but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
