smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
