I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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