dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
