Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
