does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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