I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize