you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
