Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
