The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize