I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
