she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
