So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
