You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
