i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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