Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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