she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
