grandma shit on top of the toilet
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Small penises have feelings too.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
