Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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