You made me cry and you don't even care
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my phone needs a breathalizer
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
