remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize