The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
