Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
