oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
