Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
