I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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