how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
