I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I am morally bankrupt
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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