You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
