I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
