The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
